Where do we go from here?

"...How do we carry on?

I can't get beyond the questions,

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed,

It cuts me with every 'could have been'."

-lyrics of Wait It Out, by Imogen Heap

Okay, I'm laying it on thick because I didn't write anything sob-story-ish when I did feel lower than a grasshopper's knee, a couple of days ago.

Yeah, Operation Get A Man/Fish In The Sea was a major bust, guys.

If you didn't already know that.

I told S.D. that I liked him very, very much on the 11th or 10th, and then had to wait FOUR DAYS only to be told that though in some other situation, he'd be interested, he's "not on the market" right now.

I nodded politely like I had any idea what the crap that meant.

He was all concerned that we stay friends and I assured him we would (in retrospect, a bad idea), and attempted to leave with my dignity.

However, as I walked away in the direction of my bus (we were talking outside the theatre), there was one of those metal tree support poles on the ground, and I wickedly stubbed my toe on it.

So I had to hobble away with my dignity, which, I'm sure, would have been fairly hilarious if it had happened in a romantic comedy and not in REAL LIFE.

BLURG.

Following day: Couldn't look at him at all, and walked around the theatre like I was always on a mission and couldn't spare the time to talk to anyone, much less him.

Needless to say, he is giving me my space. Which I guess I appreciate in that "Oh, why are you bothering? The damage is done!" sort of way.

I'm just counting my lucky stars for Christmas break, right, ladies and gents?

Happier notes commencing.

My house is ridiculously Christmas-y, and I couldn't love it more! My mama and I have been belting all sorts of songs in the car as we race around town getting the final presents and finishing the final errands! I have the swankiest, prettiest, Parisian-est new blouse from Strut, thanks to the gift certificate that Circe gave me for my birthday! I got a wooden kazoo in the White Elephant gift exchange we had at the last Hamlet rehearsal! My papa just came home with a new copy of "tiny titans"! (That's right; I read children's comic books. They're awesome!)

Basically, the break is fantabulously excellent thus far, although it got off to a dubious start.

Bet you didn't think this entry was gonna end this well based on the beginning!

Guess I pulled a switcheroo! Put that in your juice box and suck it!

P.S. Love to all my friends, wherever you are spending your holiday! I hope you are having lovely times!

I think I'll try defying gravity.

Dear lovely people who care about me dearly,

Oh, I haven't talked to you recently. Not because I don't love you. I do. So much. With a deep swelling in my heart.

"I feel so much better than before!"- Legally Blonde

I have cajones, yo. I may have been talking some nonsense about hobos and velociraptors (see Amani's blog, if you can) a few days ago, but now all I'm doing is singing songs from "Wicked" and other musicals really loud because I feel empowered!

To introduce another, even more blatant- I mean, awesome- set of code names, let's talk a little about Smutch and Blenser.

Brittney came up with that, and now I love her forever.

Anyway, talked it up with Smutch and was all, "I had an awesome time with you, but we don't really talk, and I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, that we're not going out or anything."

And he was all, "...Yeah."

Seriously, that conversation was over in under a minute.

Not because it was terrible, but because it was so straightforward.

WHICH WAS AWESOME.

And liberating.

And I was so excited afterwards that I ran halfway around the school. True story.

So Operation Get A Man (or, alternately, Operation Fish in the Sea) goes into Part 2 tomorrow. You can guess what that is. (Hint: conversation with Blenser.)

And I think I'm gonna be fine.

I mean, I know what I WANT him to say, but I have this funny feeling that I'll totally survive if he just wants to be friends.

I guess I just feel to badass to sink over something like that.

After all, I got a freaking Tower of Power.

So....

BUH-BLAM!

Biiiiiiiitch, please.

Lots of love and Christmas cheer,

Rosalind

P.S. You can have Hanukkah or Kwanzaa cheer if you prefer.