Gentlemen thieves.

Dear sir,

Alright, ha ha ha. We've reached the part of the screwball comedy where our stubbornness and our refusal to discuss things (like civilized human beings) has driven us to drag innocents into the fray. We've paired up with opposites, people we might have been with in an alternate universe. And of course, they're better suited for each other, which is obvious when we dance, when you and I let loose, and they both stand still. Or shuffle awkwardly.

And I'm waiting for the resolution, only you seem content to wait. Was that really a date? Is that how you do it? Because I'd like to point out that it doesn't count by anyone else's standards.

And damn it, I'm getting mad again, and part of me is still crying because you weren't there when I had the courage to tell you. Because maybe that was the universe trying to tell me that you can't actually leave and then run back, scared and out of breath, and ask someone out before you can regret it, before the bus leaves. Because maybe that's exactly the time you decide to run errands.

Probably this is just the vestiges of Cherry Valence, who hated to push you away every night. Probably you really like another girl, and I just can't believe that all my darkest nightmares on this subject were actually true.

If that's the case, I am pleading for you to show it. Be the best boyfriend you could possibly be to someone else, so that I can see the boundary line. Or give me some space. Don't touch my hand. Don't smile so much at my jokes. And don't ask me about comic books.

Dear sir,

When I watched The Notebook for the first time (and by the first time, I mean the only time), it made me angry. If you haven't seen it (which I'm pretty damn sure you haven't), here's a brief description: Boy meets girl during summer, love ensues, they split after the summer and though they try to write to each other for a year afterward, their letters get stopped, and they give up on each other. Now pay attention here. Girl meets another boy years later, they get engaged. Original boy sees girl again, and even though, frankly, they don't seem like that great of a couple (i.e. they argue ALL the time), they fall back in love because their love is ETERNAl, yadayadayada. Girl has to choose between the two, and she ditches the new boy. Who, BY THE WAY, was completely understanding about her feelings for original boy, willing to work through their conflicts, and, I DON'T KNOW, engaged to her.

Anyway, I thought that was a complete rip-off. I mean, what the hell? The new boy worked his ass off for this girl, who ends up with this guy she knew for ONE summer many, many years ago. I was told that it was very romantic.

I have never wished for that kind of romance, nor have I ever wanted to rip off someone off who so obviously cares for me. And part of me feels like you are that guy, and so I want to do better by you. But then my metaphor kind of slinks off and dies, because unless I'm mistaken, you don't know anything about the other boy and frankly, you haven't been up front with me about your feelings, and I'm once again relying on hearsay.

Which, though you don't know it, didn't get me that far the last time I walked this road.

I don't understand how a boy who can do the best dip and kiss imaginable and who can make one of worst (and longest) jokes imaginable funny and painful at the same time couldn't have given me a heads up about any affection prior Homecoming.

Maybe if we'd talked before, I mean, honestly and beyond jokes, this would be easier. But we've an upward battle right now. We have to learn to be around each other first, and if that works out, then we have to learn what being a relationship with each other means.

And maybe I'm paranoid and maybe I'm sensitive, but I'm pretty sure that he's paying more attention to me than you are.

And that kills me.