You know that song? The Police's "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic".
I am musing on love/like/crushing/etc. Because I feel a little overwhelmed right now. And I know it must seem like angst is all I talk about/write about right now, but I'm using this little slice of Internet to "explore" my feelings and whatnot, so I'm afraid you'll have to put up with me a little longer.
First. I am in a constant state of trying to be beautiful. I want everything little thing I do to be magic, and it's really quite stressful, trying to make sure my shorts aren't mussed in Dance Class, that I am not a complete slob (or if I am dressed casually, in a tasteful, cute manner), that I get at least one pass with a mascara wand before coming into the theatre.
Second. I don't even understand where I stand on the S.D. issue anymore. I'm experiencing the "maybe-I-just-want-him-in-order-to-have-someone-to-care-about-me" doubts. I'm irrationally irritated that he won't ask me out, even though everyone has made it abundantly clear that I wear the metaphorical pants in this "relationship". And no one is letting me have the slightest doubt that he doesn't like me. Which would seem like a good thing, except it (and the time this whole thing has taken) has raised the stakes astronomically.
Frankly, what if everyone is WRONG?
You're not, of course, but if you were? What if I ask him out, and he explains that he's after another girl, and suddenly I have a flashback and everything he said makes as much, more sense with him talking about the other girl that he actually likes?
Excuse my neuroses, but I have more.
I know, Dr. Seuss says the "what ifs" can get you. Well, they've got me.
Third. I have very little experience in the girlfriend business. Would we be couple-y? I've never been kissed, I'll screw it up, I don't know how to dance with a boy really, I'll screw that up. Would it be the same, but with....dates? On the weekends? Will we even have anything to say to each other without H and C to bounce off of? Hell, do we even really agree on anything, besides comic books? Even that's rough. (DC vs. Marvel.)
What would we listen to in the car?!
We agree on Moulin Rouge, I guess. We could listen to that, maybe. Would that be too cloying?
This is what I think about. I'm a little muddled. And self-absorbed.
"How can there be any sin in sincere? Where is the good in goodbye? Your apprehensions confuse me, dear, puzzle and mystify. Tell me what can be fair in farewell, dear, while one single star shines above? How can there be any sin in sincere? Aren't we sincerely in love? Oh, we're in love...."
-The Music Man
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